Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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