Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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