Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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