Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
