I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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