I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
