I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
