If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
