Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
