I am in a vortex of obligation.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize