Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
