That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
