I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sext me about skeletons
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
