so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
