Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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