I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
