you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
