Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Jerry, you need to find god
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
