So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
