i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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