sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's always time for handjobs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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