We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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