the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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