Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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