Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
