I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
