Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
