jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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