Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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