Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
