I love black thongs
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
