i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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