Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
