You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
