The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
