Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
