just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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