Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
