Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
