a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
