at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
