Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ugly people sure do ruin things
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
