I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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