the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
