Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
