it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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