When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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