we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
