I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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