You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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