mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize