Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
