so that wasnt chicken after all
Apparently you make a good broom.
Duck Duck Cougar?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
