a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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