the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
