She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
