Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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