They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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