Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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