so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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