hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
