so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You may now shotgun with the bride
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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