i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
