We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
