3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Your cock deserves a montage
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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