I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
