if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
