those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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