Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
