Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
