I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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